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Cockeyed Conspiracies

By Tony Haynes

Like many of you, I enjoy surfing the various NC State chat rooms to read what people are saying. Mostly, I'm entertained by some of the wit and wisdom I see. But I'm also finding out that some fans have wild imaginations. After quarterback Jamie Barnette struggled mightily in NC State's first two games, the conspiracy theories started spreading like wild fires. One day, I read where Barnette was hurt, sick or even depressed. With that in mind, I have come up with a top 10 list of Jamie Barnette conspiracies that have not yet shown up in the chat rooms.

#10-Jamie is struggling because instead of watching film of last years NC State games, he got hooked on watching the Carolina Panthers' quarterbacks play in the pre-season.

#9-Barnette is saving himself for the season finale at East Carolina.

#8-The erection of the Entertainment and Sports Arena has changed the wind currents at Carter-Finley Stadium.

#7-Barnette has filed for bankruptcy after making a donation to the Clinton defense fund. (He hasn't yet used his one night in the Lincoln bedroom.)

#6-Witnesses have testified that Barnette was seen leaving the Texas School Book Depository on November 22, 1963.

#5-Barnette is having flashbacks to his first life when he was the captain of the Titanic.

#4-Misses those hot dog eating contest's he used to engage in with former Pack basketball player Keith Bean.

#3-Has been told to hold the score down to make NC State's improved defense look good.

#2-Barnette normally tapes plays and formations on his wrist. As a prank, some teammates conspired to replace his play sheet with a Nipsey Russell joke sheet.

#1-Jamie is now having regrets about coming to NC State now that he's seen how easy it is to get a degree from UNC-Chapel Hill.

As you can tell, all of these conspiracies are completely unrealistic (except for maybe #1). The moral of the story is this: Well, actually, I'll come up with a moral after visiting a few of the chat rooms.

NC State Wolfpack

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